Mitt Romney Still Hopeful About Being Named Secretary of State Despite Senate Confirmation of Tillerson

And other news that is not true but could be

Mitt Romney is reported to be crushed by the thought that maybe he will not get to be Secretary of State after all, but aides say he has not given up hope.  "Just because the Senate has approved another person doesn't mean I am out of the running" said Mitt to friends and "I know if I just sucked up a little more to the wise and wonderful Donnie he would change his mind".  When asked about this Press Secretary Soviet Sean replied that he thought Mitt was breathing a little to much of that stuff that comes out of Mexico.

Hey Jared, that's not the part you are suppossed to
grab, don't you listen to your father in-law.

Trump's daughter Ivanka was heard telling her husband to "Get you hand off my ass" during a photo shoot that showed her and her husband attending a black tie affair while thousands of would be legal entrants to the U.S. were trapped at airports.  Later it was confirmed the remark happened at the zoo where Ivanka keeps her pet donkey named Pencie.

The newest member to-be of the Supreme Court wanted to know if he could order gay and lesbian couples to jail right now or if he had to wait until he was confirmed.

Queen Elizabeth of England is reported to be concerned about having to be in the same room as Donald Trump if he makes a state visit to Britain.  "What an asshole" she did not say in a very un-Queen like manner.

Trump explained that the reason he did not mention the Jewish people in his proclamation on the  Holocaust was that he felt that the Jews who survived would not want to be reminded of the event and so he was just thinking of their feelings.  Sheldon Adelman, a billionaire casino owner who supported Trump admitted that "Yeah, he's a putz, but he's my putz".

The President also explained that he did not fire the acting Attorney General for her refusal to defend his orders on immigration.  He said that he was an expert on acting and that her acting was terrible.  Later when an aide informed him that the acting did not mean stage or television acting Trump said that he would rescind the firing, but then changed him mind again when someone reminded him that Meryl Streep was an actor.

Jeff Sessions, soon to be Attorney General argued that he was not anti-civil rights because he had been endorsed by Atticus Finch.  When told Atticus Finch was a fictional character Sessions replied that he didn't think so, that he had met Finch when he and Sessions were being honored by the NAACP.

The fact that Rudy Giuiliani was involved in the Executive Order on immigation explains much of the meanness inherent in the action.

USA Today reported that

Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, praised Tillerson before Wednesday’s vote.

“His experience and aptitude and talent will be put to work for the American people,” Cornyn said. “He’s a man of character who believes in putting his country first.”

They did not report that the laughter after this statement was heard not only in DC but in the Maryland and Virginia suburbs as well.